Tuesday, May 3, 2011
My Dad took me to my Doctor's appointment, and as we waited in the waiting room there was a kid that kept staring at me. I was in a bad mood because I was sure he would tell me "two more weeks Tracey, just give it two more weeks" as I had been hearing for months. So as this kid was staring at me, something to which I had yet to get used to, I had one of those moments where the little Angel on my shoulder lost to the little Devil on the other.
At the time I knew it was a horrible thing to do, but I was just so sick of it all. Sick of eating broth, sick of being plugged into the wall, sick of not being able to go ANYWHERE without being stared at like I had three heads and sick of Crohn's Disease. So this poor kid ended up coming face to face with all of my frustrations. I did the unthinkable. As he sat there staring, I pulled my tube in and out of my nose completely grossing him out. He tapped his Mom on the shoulder and told her to look at me. Of course I had stopped by then, and he got in trouble for staring and pointing at me. The minute she looked away, I did it again. And again he tapped on her shoulder, and again he got in trouble. I was just a kid myself at the time and I did feel bad about it and even looked for them when I left the office to apologize, but they were gone.
You would think that Karma being what it is I would have heard the "Two more weeks Tracey" speech again for my bad behaviour, but after being thoroughly checked over my doc smiled at me. He didn't even have to say the words, I knew that damn thing was coming out! It was a much more pleasant experience than when it went in, I can't even explain the sensation of it being removed, all I knew and cared about was that I was going to be able to chew my next meal!
It's funny looking back at that moment, how something as simple as chewing made me so happy. I was given pieces of paper with lists of food I was able to eat, and an even longer list of things NOT to. I couldn't have any seeds or nuts whatsoever. The idea being that the pieces could get stuck in the intestinal wall causing an infection. There were meats, fruits and vegetables to avoid also. I was going to live by that list if it killed me. I was planning to never set foot back in a hospital again. Those lists went up on the fridge the minute I got home, and one was put on my boyfriends parents fridge too.
I was also being weaned off of the prednisone, so my face would eventually go back to normal, I would lose the moon face which would be a really good thing.
I seemed to be under the impression that my life would just go back to normal; that things would be the way they were before. I hadn't read the pamphlets yet.