He Saved My Life!

The first night in the hospital was really lonely.  I was in a semi-private room, but by myself.  The nurses were really great and knew that I was nervous about being there without knowing exactly what was going on with my body, so they would stop in and chat with me when they had the time.  I was on the Geriatric Ward, the only one with an available room at the time, and I was the youngest patient on my floor.

When my Gastro came by that day he explained what was going to happen during my Colonoscopy, and I was relieved when drugs were mentioned.  The pain I was already in was bad enough, let alone having a scope scratching along on the inside of my intestines.  The lucky part for me though, was that since I already had the feeding tube in my nose they would be able to put the prep through the tube.  At the time I didn't realize how really lucky I was until the first time I had to drink one myself, Yuck!  I felt really bad for my family and friends that came up to visit me that night because I spent most of my time in the bathroom, while they sat around in my room waiting for me.  I would just get back into bed, and have to get back up and go back to the bathroom.  I had a little table in there with me so that I could do crosswords or read if I wanted to, it passed the time.

The next morning I met my hero in the Colonoscopy Suite.  I was so nervous.  A small part of me thought and feared that nothing would be found, that I really had nothing wrong with me and that I would be sent across the street to the Mental Health Hospital.  These were worries from not being believed for so long, and being told I was just making it all up still affecting me.

When I find out that I would be awake for the test, I tried to get off of the gurney, but I was attached to it by my i.v. bag.  It was explained to me that the medication they would be giving me would act as an amnesiac and that I would be aware of what was going on, but I wouldn't remember any of it.  I was completely alright with never remembering an embarrassing experience like that, so I relaxed and let him give me the meds.  I actually thought that I was sleeping, until I felt the pain.  I told him that it really hurt, but fell back to sleep so he must have given me more.  It is necessary to be awake during this test as you need to roll around on the table when asked, this makes the scope easier to move around the corners of the colon.

I woke up in Recovery, and was brought back to my room to sleep.  When I woke up it was after noon, and my Hero came into my room with my results.  He said that I definitely had Crohn's Disease, he didn't need to wait for the biopsies to come back.  It was really quite a bad case, and that I would need a lot of bowel rest, medications and time in the hospital.  Surgery was an option, but there was so much damage that trying to heal the bowel first was the best idea.  The damage started at the Cecum, which is a large pouch where the small intestine feeds into the colon, and spread in both directions into the small and large bowels.  Recovery would be a slow process, but things could only improve.  If I had not seen him or had the test and treatment when I did, perforations of the bowel and blood poisoning could have killed me.  I believe he really did save my life.

My treatments started that day.

If He Wasn't So Cute...

When my Mom and I got to the Guelph General Hospital I couldn't believe how fast things started to move.  I had been hoping and praying that something would finally happen and now that it was, it was going a wee bit fast for me.

Nurses were coming at me from all directions, asking questions, taking my vitals and then came the i.v..  I was so afraid of needles that in public school I had to be held down on the floor in the nurse's room just to be given a shot.  That was years before but the fear never went away.  I felt so stupid having to hold my mom's hand through it, but that was the only way they were going to get that needle in me.  It didn't help that I was so dehydrated, so it took more than one try to get a keeper.  To this day, after 24 years of dealing with this "Monster" I still freak out when the letters I and V are used too close together.

My Gastro had ordered all of these things to be done to me before he could come up and check me out for himself.  I had x-rays, an ultrasound and thought I saw every inch of the hospital that first day.  When he arrived he looked kind of sad.  He said I was really sick and that I was going to have to stay for a while for more tests.  I looked at my overnight bag and knew I hadn't packed enough.  He still wasn't sure what it was that was wrong, but was leaning really strongly towards "Crohn's".  The colonoscopy that was moved up from two weeks away would diagnosis whatever it was.

I started to try and tell him that I really didn't need to be there, that I could just take some time off work and rest, and that I would eat my veggies, and even wheaties if that would help, if I could just go home.  I still remember his face when I was rambling on like a terrified little kindergardener.  He just smiled at me.  It was a beautiful smile, but it pissed me off.  He said I had to be fed through a tube in my nose because I was malnourished, and I was in the best place I could be.  How could being fed through a tube or being in the hospital be the best place for me?  I even tried to tell him that I thought I was pretty sure I was all better, but he wouldn't have any of it, just smiled that white smile, said he would be right back and left the room.

The funny thing about the whole freaking out session that I had, was that I do remember calming down enough for a minute to comment to my mom on how good-looking he was.  But hey! I was still a girl. When he did come back he had gloves on, was followed by two nurses carrying a whole bunch of freaky-looking packages, and started unwrapping them.  I saw a tube of lubricant and was wondering what that was for, when he started to rub some of it on this pink tubing.  A nurse was trying to put a straw in my mouth from a glass of water which distracted me long enough for him to get the tube near my nose.  I looked him straight in the eyes and asked if it was going to hurt.  Of course he said no, it just might be a bit uncomfortable for a minute.  I drank the water as he pushed it into my nose and down my throat into my stomach.  The look on my mom's face told me I was lucky I wasn't watching.  I gagged a few times, but he just kept on smiling.  Finally it was taped in place, I was hooked up to my pump and my first meal was being served.

He said I had been through enough for one day, and told me that I could relax now and that he would come back to see me the next day.  One of the nurse's gave me a shot for pain, which I had to hold my mom's hand for again,  and as she left the room I remember saying to them "If he wasn't so cute I wouldn't have stayed".

But that first night, alone in my room, it dawned on me that this man had probably just saved my life.

Hospital Bound

It was near the end of June in 1989, I was at work feeling better than I had in years.  Just knowing that I was going to have a colonoscopy in two weeks,  was going to find out what had been going on in my "gut" and that my new Gastro. believed me, had an incredible effect on my spirit and body.
I had been out running errands when I got a call from the office.  They told me that my Gastro had called and that I was to return the call when I got back.

There were two more destinations that I had to get to before I could get back and call.  I was so curious about why he had called, I ended up distracted and missed roads I was to go down, and buildings I was supposed to stop at.   Because of the fact that everyone thought my problems were psychosomatic, my mind started to play tricks on me, and I imagined calling his office only to find that he talked to my family doctor, who told him that I was crazy, so he had decided after thinking about it he wasn't going to take on my case.  By the time I returned to work I was so worked up and believed that was going to happen, that I was afraid to call him back.  Thinking that I was going to be in pain for the rest of my life, and that no one would ever believe me, I sat in the bathroom for a half an hour and cried

My immediate boss Leanne found me in there and told me to just call, that it could be important.  So I went into my office, shut and locked the door, sat down at my desk and shakily dialed his office's number.  When I told the receptionist who was calling, she got him right on the line.  He told me that he got my blood test results back that morning, that they were really messed up and that he couldn't believe that I was actually at work, walking around and functioning properly.  He told me to get home, pack a bag and head up to the hospital to be admitted.  I was in shock.

I cleaned up the mascara and tears that had stained my face, and went into the big bosses office, to tell him what was going on, that I had to leave, and that I didn't know when I would be back.  I found my friend Richard at his drafting table and asked him if he could give me a ride home.  When I got there my Dad was just coming home, and I told my parents what was going on, and asked if one of them could take me to the hospital.  I stood there as they argued amongst themselves about who had more important things to do, and which one was going to be able to take me.  Again, still, I wasn't important.  I went to my room and packed.

It was somehow decided that my Mom would take me, so he got in the car and headed to the hospital where I hoped my journey to a diagnosis and back to health would truly begin.    

"The Dreaded Prep for the Scope"

As Crohn's patients, we go through a lot. Good, bad and indifferent.

Spending days, weeks and even months at a time in the hospital teaches us patience, that's a good thing. Being thankful for good days, and making the most of them, empathizing with others that suffer, and learning to listen to our own bodies are also all very good.

But the Colonoscopy, that falls under the bad category.

It's not the test itself, that's a breeze. The humiliation of having a tube inserted into your butt in front of a doctor and nurses, is greatly reduced by the medications that are given by i.v., weakening our defences and cares. Most of the time, thankfully, we don't remember much of it at all. The pain experienced during the test, thanks again to the medications, becomes part of a very distant memory.

The inhabition that the medication can create has been comical to some present in the past for me. When I was diagnosed, I was very blessed to have an extremely good looking Gastro. that I had a secret crush on. My Mom and friends knew about how I felt, but I certainly didn't want him to find out.

Under the influence of these medications during a Colonoscopy, I guess I changed my mind and told him that I was in love with him! When I woke up in Recovery the nurses told me about it and I was mortified! Then he came into the room and neither of us would look eachother in the eye. It was so embarassing! He was my doctor for close to 20 years, and I said stuff like that everytime. He was such a good sport about it and never mentioned any of it to me, but the nurses rubbed it in any chance they got! LOL!

Now for the worst part, the prep. Drinking litres of a salty based, slightly thick, clear liquid, that DOES NOT taste better cold, like they tell us it does, within a small, set period of time (... oh, it is just the worst tasting stuff created by man!) is such a horrible experience for me, that I actually have small panic attacks in the days leading up to having to drink it.

In the past when I have been in the hospital having tube feedings, they would put the prep down the tube, by-passing my mouth. That was great! I wish they could do that everytime. The stuff has such a negative effect on my gag reflex, that sometimes vomiting is inevitable, and then unfortunately I have to start all over again.

How are you with "The Dreaded Prep for the Scope"? If you have any tricks or advice on how to make this a more palatable experience, leave a message, you could help me or someone else that is reading this post. Have you had an embarassing moment too? I'd love to hear about it!